It’s NOT Bad Plastic Surgery! New Disease Offers Explanation for Jackson Oddities

A new type of Vitiligo?

Yesterday my eyes were assaulted while reading jezebel,  the virtual equivalent of  Jane Magazine [R.I.P.] (+) US Weekly (-) Glamour.  Jezebel’s tag-line is “Celebrity, sex, fashion. Without airbrushing.“ 

Given the context, you can imagine how unsettling it was to stumble upon the (presumably non-airbrushed) image of Janet Jackson on the left.

Apparently, when your last name is Jackson, every day is Halloween [cue Ministry song of the same name].

It’s one thing to catch a bad case of Madamism at the Plastic Surgeon’s office, but the Jacksons seem to be subject to a disease that makes Madamism seem entirely benevolent: Trans-col-o-sex-us (TCS).

On the upside, we now have a perfectly rational explanation for the Jacksons’ spontaneously mutating bodies, lily-white offspring, inappropriate bed-sharing, and devastatingly inappropriate fashion choices!

Check out the presentation below and become enlightened:

WARNING: Do not fall asleep within 30 minutes of viewing; this is high-octane nightmare fuel.

Vapidly,

Jenna